A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Monday, May 21, 2007

Ding Dong the Witch is Gone

Well, I’ll be damned! Miss Snark, the faux agent, has finally had enough. One post from me, and she gets out of Dodge! Not really. But you can bet a book deal is on the horizon and you can bank on that. So said Sammy months ago. You just don’t walk off stage while still queen unless there is something else going on. Sammy has said for years that she would do one of two things: Reveal herself or get an offer. Can’t wait to see how she tries to worm her way out of this one.

I know it seems strange that Sammy disappeared and then off goes Snark, but that means nothing. Nothing at all. I mean, you don’t think it could mean anything, do you? What a coincidence! Sammy reveals he’s gotten hitched, and suddenly Snark decides to go on hiatus. Could she have been, you know, in love with Sammy? Was she devastated? Or maybe Snark was Sammy. No, I know that’s not so. I know Sam, and he’s the real deal through and through, but…

Oh my God, you don’t think that…

No, this could not be possible…

You don’t think that Mrs, Sammy Kitzler is actually. . .

Snark Kitzler!?!

Wouldn’t that be funnier than shit? I’ve never met his bride, but I do know that even though she told Mr. Follow-My-Dick-Wherever-It-Leads that she's not in publishing, she could have lied. Snark lied all the time. What do you think?

You know what’s funny? It hasn’t made such a big deal that she’s left. There were no parades in her honor that I know of. Is everyone in shock? Doesn’t this say something real loud about wannabes? Their hero leaves and the world goes on without her. I’d say that what Sammy has said all along is true: Wannabes are selfish assholes and deserve to rot in recycled ink (most of which is the result of their rejected manuscripts anyway). Think of all the trees that go into appeasing their vanity. Disgusting.

I kind of take the sorrowful lack of print on this development from what Pub Rants said today. Kristen Nelson—a huge devotee of Snark who should actually know better— devoted maybe a line or two on her blog to how she wished that she could say what Miss Snark could get away with saying. Well, Kristin, if you had anything going for you, you could say what the fuck ever you wanted to say. What do you care if writers do or don’t like you? What? Will they snatch your IPod away?

Yes, Snark will be missed—like jock itch or a sore tooth. Speaking of which, I need to go scratch my testicles (for you wannabes, that means BALLS).

PS I know you all thought Sammy would come running back for this, but the last time I talked with him, he was still laughing.


  • At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sammy, are you ever going to post a new entry? I've been hungry to read more (your wisdom is something I could well use right now) Also, now that Snark is gone it'll be nice to see you start writing about something else! ;)

  • At 5:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yeah, Stephen. Come on. Now that your new book is out..you should blog again. Come on. We've missed you so.

  • At 8:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My son's a professional beggar, my daughter is a professional spy, I've spent a lot of time in prison... and I have a book you'd like!

    Okay, my son prefers to be called "Director of Alumni Relations" at a major University, and my daughter works for the DIA currently in Kabul. I've been a volunteer in a maximum-security prison for the last fourteen years... and I do have a book I think you'd like.

  • At 8:51 AM, Blogger Deirdra said…

    Hi I'm looking for your contact info for a book review/post?
    Can you email me at EdenLiterary at gmail dot com

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