A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Monday, April 30, 2007

The spark that is Snark

Sammy is a wreck. If love does that to a perfectly screwed up human, then I’ll always be single. So this is my first post and he kind of gave me free reign to do what I want to with his blog—within reason—and his reason, as he has repeated time and time again is that he just don’t give a fuck. So here’s what we are going to do.

First of all, here on Agents Overdrive—Outlook, what the fuck ever---we’re going to give do a kind of Carlos Mencia, a true rundown on my take on other agent’s blogs, which, for the most part are pathetic. Let the fun begin with the queen—Missy Snark—and we’ll work our upward from down there. For those of you who have never been on the Queen’s blog, don’t bother unless you fall below the rank of wannabe and there is no animal or mineral lower, so you’d have to be a space creature, and I don’t want to by felt up by some asshole’s eye tentacles.

As for me, who am I? Let’s just say that I’m in publishing and let it go at that. I’m actually further into publishing than most of the subliminal assholes that I’m going to be paint-stripping here, let’s say.

Let the fun begin:

Miss Snark, who the fuck are you? Who the fuck cares? It seems, from my mild somewhat un-objective observation platform that, according to her, a million or so reality TV wannabes have visited her site. My question is, why? Is it because her worshipers have nothing going on in their lives? Do they think that an invisible faux wannabe agent goddess might be just the thing to fall down in front of? Better to fall down in front of the Midtown express. It seems to be kind of like the invisible god—the almighty and powerful omniscient being who rips you asunder only to pick you up, dust you off and make you right again. Woooo!! How pathetic!!

How can anyone who is somewhat conscious and whole think that this attention-seeking tart could be anything but one of these: A pizza delivery person who reads a lot or a Bayonne, New Jersey prostitute who has plenty of free-time. You tell me which because either will fit. But why should anyone with have a brain care?

It’s the way of the world that so many can be deluded into thinking this being is an agent. I ask you one thing while my sides heal from laughing so much, “Who are her clients?” Has anyone thought that here is a person who is supposed to be running a literary agency, which, according to her, is quite successful? But if he, she, its literary agency is successful, how come he, she, it has so much time to read slop and post comments on a blog? An example of a successful literary agent comes to mind. Have you noticed, for instance, that Jennifer Jackson posts about once a month and then only a short paragraph? Or has this escaped your pea-brains?

If this creature is an agent, I pity her poor clients. Those who patronize her slop and goo-goo, ga-ga all over themselves over it and themselves are supposed to be writers. How do you have spare time to even go there either? Aren’t you supposed to be writers? Whoops, how silly of me. Of course you’re not writers, you’re silly-assed wannabes. What difference does it make that she’s screwing her clients every hour of the day as long as she’s entertaining you? But those of you that do have a conscience, how would you like her representing your interests? Answer that one and maybe, before this is over, we can be friends.

As for me, I’m not an agent. I work on someone else’s dime so I, like you, can fuck off all day until I’m caught. But why should I worry? Hell, if this blog takes off like Snark’s, I will snag a book deal. Ah, I get it now. She took off this week to finalize her deal—and you shills are responsible. Give yourselves a good pat on the back—and one on the ass for old Miles here.

Miles Standoffish

10 Comments:

  • At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You don't write 'fuck' enough; otherwise, welcome aboard.

     
  • At 12:23 PM, Anonymous christine said…

    Why does New Jersey always have to be brought into discussions in a negative way?
    We aren’t all gum-snappin`, big hair wearing prostitutes, ya know? :)

     
  • At 11:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    New Jersey is a shitty place. I had the misfortune of spending my formative years there. God, what a cesspool. And the people: assholes, 9 out of 10 of them.

     
  • At 7:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You must be one of the nine, eh?

     
  • At 10:18 AM, Blogger Heather said…

    Well, in the end, it doesn't matter.

    She just quit.

    No more Miss Snark to piss you off.

     
  • At 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Jeesus, Sammy the Slob is now writing as Miles Standoffish - same jerk, different I.D.

    What a waste of bandwidth.

    Have fun in California and my sympathies to your new lady...

    A non-reader

     
  • At 1:13 PM, Anonymous ClaireX said…

    To the "non-reading" Anonymous:
    Uh, I hate to point this out, but if you've read enough of the blog to say there isn't any difference in the writer(s), then you aren't a non-reader, are you?

     
  • At 1:13 PM, Anonymous ClaireX said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What a steaming pile of shit.

    This deluded (non-published) sucker would relish the chance to have a readership, so he/she will continue to spew venom and pray for a pulpit.

    Much luck with this site. I'm ashamed I stumbled across it...

     
  • At 12:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sammy has never came out from behind "his" mask either.

    At least Snark will be missed.

     

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