A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Thursday, May 11, 2006

And Speaking of Actors Who Should Be Seen and Not Heard...

Okay, okay. I know I said I hate celebrities, but I hate morons even more. This recent spate of “Let’s hate Tom Cruise because he’s weird and seriously religiously fucked up” is too bizarre for words. I went and saw MI3, and it was what I expected: MI3. I like that shit, so I go see that shit. I do not go because TC is in it. I go because I usually get some pleasantly adrenalized nook from my date, who possibly likes TC, but since her hand was in my crotch and her mouth was somewhere near my ear, I prefer to think she just likes sitting in the dark with me in a place with a sound system so loud that no one can hear me groaning and her sucking my neck. Oh hell, I don’t think I could even tell you what the damn movie was about at this point, but there was a lot of shouting and gadgets. Coincidentally, there was a lot of shouting and gadgets after the movie ended and we went to her place. Go figure.

I read somewhere that TC’s approval rating is down. When did he become the fucking president? I don’t care if people like TC, but I definitely care that almost everyone hates Bushy, including foreign dignitaries, small children in Norway, and puppies. It’s the puppies that will get you every time.

I also read that women in particular are pissed off at Tommy-boy. Is it because he is no longer available? Nope, it’s because he seems to be controlling Katie’s mind, exerting his influence over her, and exposing her to the ways of Scientology. Hmmm, I thought Katie controlled Katie’s mind. And even if she doesn’t, rumor has it that when the tiny titan couple call it quitsies, she gets 40 million dollars to sooth her wounds and raise the fruit of the King of Grins loins in the style to which he was born to become accustomed. How many young ladies would like to say they wound up with a deal like that instead of having three kids by Homer the Goober who left them high and dry for Vonetta the blow-job princess of Central City High?

Anyway, I have seen worse things. Like a magazine that will pay millions of dollars for a picture of Brad and Angelina’s baby, but will pay a freelance writer about 25 cents a word—lower for fiction--for a hard few weeks work. Haven’t you guys taken the hint yet? Everyone gets more respect than writers, because everyone thinks that everyone can write. Editors and publishers know better, but it becomes a sweet and familiar rationalization, a sort of emotionally soothing KY jelly for those who are about to screw you up the ass on your publishing contract. For writers, though—and I mean real writers (see my post below)—it should be a call to arms.

Speaking of which, I’m being summoned to my bedroom.


  • At 5:38 PM, Blogger Stacia said…

    Gee, Sammy, your last posts have been so deep I'm finding myself attracted to you. Really.

    And I hate TC because, as a woman who had postpartum depression, I think he's a total asshole for claiming it was "all in [my] head". I don't give a shit what he's doing with that Katie person who ruined the Batman movie. I just don't want to give him any money after that.

    And yeah, his dissing John Woo by saying the director of MI3 was so much better made me mad, too. Like anyone can direct action better than John Woo. Tom Cruise? He's no Chow Yun-Fat, I can tell you that.


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