A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Good Ol' Days B.W. (Before Wannabes)

Someone’s got a dirty little secret and I know what it is.

God, how I miss when publishing was a normal business. Now it is some kind of weird, backward, fucked up kind of freak show filled with the wannabes of the lowest ever classes. In the last week, I have been to 9 different blogs that managed to slam 10 different agents (one blog slammed two). It is an all out war: writers against agents, writers against writers, and writers against publishers. It appears to be, also, from the quality of what I see, writers against readers. What is wrong with you people? How fucked up do you have to be to think it is okay to bite the hand that feeds you?

Wait, nevermind. We are dealing with wannabes here. On one blog an agent got blasted for providing feedback that struck the writer the wrong way. On another blog, the writer was bitching because agents never provided any feedback and sent only a form rejection letter.

Are you completely pathetic or what?

Do you think that my industry exists just for you? It doesn’t. The only thing worse than a complete wannabe writer is a wannabe editor. That’s right, a wannabe editor. There are tons of them. They make my job tremendously difficult. Remember the asshole editor who fucked with me a little while ago? Not the first one, but the second one. Well, I made a call to someone who made a call, and said editor is not a problem anymore. You know why? He got PROMOTED. Luckily, I don’t give a fuck that he got a pay raise and a chance at a higher level of blow job; I don’t have to deal with him anymore. I told my contact that he was a problem, and the contact sighed. He sighed! Why? Because we are running out of places to stick loser, pathetic editors. Where can we put these people so that they can’t actually work with books people will read? The editors coming up now really don’t know what the hell a good book is. They have read the classics, didn’t understand them, and then read some popular fiction and didn’t get that either. Actually, most editors now started out in something else, like criminal justice or nursing, and failed.

Remember good books? Not the kind like Confessions of a Video Vixen and Harry Potter X—Return of the Sith. Not the five-minute wonders that in a decade will be referred to as, “What?” And the authors will be referred to as, “Who?” I mean the really good books, the ones that made you climax just reading them, with no genital manipulation involved.

Oh well, back to my dirty little secret. Well, it’s not mine really. It’s just that the other day I found out who a well-known publishing blogger is because that blogger made a silly, terrible little mistake. It was a mistake made because of a little bit of over-inflated ego. Sometimes people in publishing do take themselves a little bit too seriously, and this person in particular got sucked in by his/her own fame. Remember, folks, I am here to rant, and I don’t really understand the mindset of those who blog to solicit writers when the truth is that there is no place for newbies in a flailing, flagging industry (made that way, mind you, by wannabes). Therefore, while I may not post it, I have no problem casually mentioning this person’s identity in casual conversation with every publishing principal I know.

Sleep well, my friend.--Sammy

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