A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

God, I’m good!

I hate to keep reminding you, wannabes, but Sammy-boy was right…again! As I was sitting here watching my acquaintances work their pretty little asses off wheeling and dealing, I happened upon a Publishers Weekly article whose title included Tinseltown and Bologna, and whose first few paragraphs discussed how there are SOOO many film people skulking about the Faire this year. Hmmm, I wonder, who might have mentioned that publishing is all hot and horny for T-town and vice versa?


Yes, ME!

I guess I am getting a little too excited about this, but you want to know why? Because all of the lunkheads who try to discredit me and everything I say with comments like:

Hell, U R probably just a wannabe URself. And U R an asshole 2.

You don’t know shit, you’re just a Snark wannabe.

Please, you are so not an agent. It is so obvious you don’t know dick about publishing!

Oh, don’t I? Read around, dipshits and take a look at my 3/15 post, Go, Annie, You Rock! For about the second time in a month, I have given you a heads-up on things in this industry that no other anonymous “agent” has even mentioned. Real dirt, you writing worms, something you can pass through your digestive tracks that comes out as rich, black fertilizer on the other end instead of just plain shit. I’m giving you something to make you grow, hopefully right out of the phase in your life where you think you want to be a writah.

Anyone can read several books about the industry (not to mention the online garbage) and pretend to be an agent or editor and answer questions, sounding like a pro the whole time. The answers given are the same ones that have appeared in the same twelve articles recycled over and over by the two most popular writing magazines for the last fifty fucking years. The irony is that when a real agent, moi, for example, actually posts the truth, the first response is that the various groups of power-hungry literary-based vampires who have been feeding off of the naïve blood of the wannabe for years try to shame, discredit, and just plain poo-poo on him. Then you have the board and forum gurus chiming in, and a host of others who run to comfort their poor little meal-tickets, er, wannabes, whom I so heartily offended.

Tee hee hee.

In what other profession do you see people running to comfort and encourage the people who shouldn’t be in it? Can you imagine the AMA running after a guy who flunked his med school exams fourteen times, begging him to keep trying, because, what the hell, you learn all that stuff after you become a doctor anyway? What about lawyers? Would you want the gal who just woke up one morning last month, studied a book, and decided to try to pass the bar to become a lawyer?

Hell no, you wouldn’t. And we don’t want people like that in publishing, either.

They say there is a reason for everything, and there is a reason for this post. It is to reiterate my stand on wannabes sucking the life out of writing, just like baby-boomers are sucking the life out of everything else. It didn’t used to be like this when I started. Publishing was a vibrant industry that DID something. It contributed to culture and society, and it made some money, too. Now it is a complete clusterfuck.

Do I believe publishing would have gone to the H-wood dogs anyway? Yes. Do I believe that all those people sucking off of the wannabe system made that happen prematurely and with more degradation to the overall output? Yes. Do I believe it can be salvaged?

What the hell do you think?

I like T-town. Always have. I can get along with those nitwits, mainly because I can control them. I am not going to tell you how. The people who are truly scary are the completely clueless, I-need-some-attention bozos, like the dipshits on reality TV shows who think they are celebrities when all they are is over-exposed extras. And wannabe writers who think the world revolves around them. These people are the types who vote for Bush because he’s “a straight-shooter”, hate gay marriage because it might make their health benefit costs go up, think Saddam Hussein planned 9/11, and are waiting for mom and dad to kick off because that’s their retirement plan.

So, the film folks are here to stay. Forever. There is no going back now. Throw a stick at the Faire, says one of the girlzzz I came here with, and you hit one of the film fuckers, who slink around like snakes, eyes darting here and there, looking for the rights deal that will feed them for a month. They prowl through the Faire looking for unsuspecting publishing pros, and then—whammo!—they make a deal before you even know they are interested. That’s how this shit goes, baby.

And don’t forget who told you so.


  • At 9:33 AM, Blogger mapletree7 said…

    In what other profession do you see people running to comfort and encourage the people who shouldn’t be in it?

    People view writing as a method of artistic expression, just like drawing, sculpture, etc. The difference is that people who take drawing classes generally aren't given the idea that they should become industry professionals.

  • At 2:52 PM, Blogger Peter L. Winkler said…

    You're a little late with this revaltion, Sammy.

    "Thomas Whiteside, The Blockbuster Complex: Conglomerates, Show Business, and Book Publishing (Wesleyan University Press, 1980)

    Because it was published in 1981 and because there has been increasing conglomeration, among other changes, in the publishing industry since then, it would seem that Whiteside's analysis of the book business would by now be obsolete. Whiteside's cogent insights remain indispensable and relevant, however. 'The trade-book business seems on the way to becoming nothing more than the component of the conglomerate communications-entertainment complex which happens to deal primarily with publishing books,' Whiteside observes - a prediction that has become true. He uses as an example the fact that Harcourt Brace Jovanovich owned Sea World and that the investment group headed up by Doubleday purchased the New York Mets.

    Those conglomerations fundamentally alter the publishing industry because they require editors - who used to be tasked with finding good authors and improving their books - to think like businessmen. "As time goes on, the language of the corporate merchandiser seems ever more a part of the workaday speech of book publishers and editors," Whiteside writes. Not everyone thinks that the change is bad, however - editors who are charged with making sales grow may find innovative ways to get good books in readers' hands.

    Whiteside's analysis is comprehensive and even-keeled in the face of issues such as the one above that frequently raise blood pressures in the publishing industry. Whiteside, who used to write for the New Yorker - where most of this book first appeared - seems to have talked with every relevant person in publishing, from publishers, editors, agents, and TV and Hollywood producers.

    The Blockbuster Complex is an absolutely necessary, pleasurable, and quick read for journalists needing to know more about publishing. The only shame is that it hasn't been reprinted and can be difficult to get access to unless it can be found in a university library (although at the time this was published, Amazon.com had 22 used copies for sale)."

  • At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am an illustrator, and I can't tell you how many times I have told people what I do and they say something like,"Oh, really? I love to draw."

    It's not the same thing!

    I like this site even though it has nothing about the professional art industry. It's still got a lot of relevant stuff. And a lot of curse words.

  • At 9:00 AM, Blogger WagerWitch said…

    "I like this site even though it has nothing about the professional art industry. It's still got a lot of relevant stuff. And a lot of curse words."

    Too funny - that was almost as good as what SammyK writes.

    Excuse me while I snort back the Dr. Pepper that just flew out of my nose.

    Lady M
    PS. Sammy - sigh - ya know... ya oughta consider publishing it. It's funnier than all get out - and who the heck cares? If people wanna buy it, they will. You could use a 'pen-name' LMAO!

    Not all bloggers suck donkey cajones. Some are decent. Like say... uhm... yours... LOL!


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