A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Comment Replies, Part I

Well, now, it appears that ol’ Sammy-boy has upset some folks.

Goody!

Tis my job, and my goal, to discourage those whose literary cholesterol clogs the arteries of the publishing world. We are to the point that publishing is looking at having the BIG ONE, partially due to its own bad habits, and partially due to the cholesterol. Just call me Crestor.

I usually don’t respond to comments personally, because I get too goddamn many, and most of them are from idiot writers or watchers who read only one part of my blog and then jot some self-righteous bullshit down and send it to me. Just like a wannabe, isn’t it? They just gotta be heard!

However, today I had a little extra time and a little extra wine, so I went through some comments and decided to pretend I was a wannabe. Oh, shit!

First, to Dave and McDonald: There is a vast difference between me and people like you and your watcher friends. You are part and parcel of those who feed off of wannabes. I do everything in my power to discourage them, and some of this blog is dedicated to that goal.

Dave says, “If PA (Publish America, I assume) was actually throwing shit at the walls, as you so eloquently put it, to see what stuck (meaning sold, I presume), then there be would PA books in numerous bookstores from sea to shining sea.”

No, Dave, when I said “throwing shit against the wall,” I was referring to published, not just sold. PA does what every writer wants them to do: They get a book into the author’s hands. Any book. They publish anything, and if it sells, it sells. If it doesn’t, they have 420,000,000 other pieces of shit available. .

I guess it’s education time, Dave. And McDonald, you might as well move closer to the front of the room so you can learn something, too. First of all, I think I clearly stated that I’m not an advocate of Publish America. But Publish America does fill a need. It gives the wannabe a place to get his feces masterpiece published. For example, once Wannabe Q. Writer has been rejected by agents and publishers alike and now hates everyone in publishing and just knows that this entire industry must be filled with assholes and stupid people because his shit is wonderful and deserved to be foisted on readers everywhere, PA gives him an avenue to publish to that costs nil. The alternatives are self-publishing, where he pays all the costs, POD publishing, where he pays set-up costs, or companies like PA, where he pays nothing. Okay, Dave and Mac, which approach is best for your wannabe...keep in mind that wannabes NEVER want to put any time, effort, or money into their writing careers.

Because it costs nothing to publish with PA, wannabes should love this. At the end of the experience, the wannabe gets a book. She has to pay for author copies of the book, but she took nothing out of her pocket to get it produced. Isn’t that what you guys advocate—writers getting everything for nothing? To go along with the rest of your philosophies, you should be bosom buddies with PA. You are all, after all, in the same coddle-the-wannabe mode, right? However, PA doesn’t offer Oprah, nor does it offer prestigious advances, multiple book deals, or the bragging rights that the author got published by a major publisher. Wannabes want it all, and when they discover that PA isn’t the publisher they thought it was, they scream “SCAM!”

And I scream for ice cream.

2 Comments:

  • At 7:03 PM, Blogger James Macdonald said…

    Woo, Sammy! Don't worry about your reading comprehension problems. You should be able to find a night school that teaches ESL.

    For the record, I don't believe you're an agent.

     
  • At 2:47 PM, Blogger SammyK said…

    Hey Jimmy,

    Didn't I tell you once before to get back to your water hole and off of my blog? Oh, wait, AW closed down, didn't it? So now you don't have a venue, and I suppose that this comment on an outdated post is your attempt to get some attention, and perhaps an invitation in from the cold.

    Don't worry, Jimmy, I am sure some web host will pick up AW, if it hasn't already, and you can go back to your old life. But perhaps you have seen the light. Perhaps this earth-shaking event has illuminated you to the facts. Or not.

    So, being the nice guy I am, I will leave your fate to the others here. What do you say, boys and girls? Should we let JimmyD stay and play on my blog, or do you think he can be trusted not to carry our secrets back to the others?

    See, Jimmy, there are places where people with dissenting views aren't just silenced. We will take a vote...but I don't think you should get your hopes up quite yet.

    And for the record, I don't believe you are an agent either.

    Touche.

     

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