A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Monday, December 05, 2005

Checkout That Crack!

What’s that I hear? Cracking? Like maybe ice breaking from where hell just froze over? Yes, that is what I hear! And why? Because Sammy was very, very good today.

How, you might ask? Oh, do tell, do tell!

Okay, I will. I was so very good today because I had a wonderful opportunity to abuse and humiliate a newbie and I didn’t. No, it wasn’t because I was laughing too hard or drunk, although those two things tend to go hand in hand with me.

What happened was I got on a writer’s board over the weekend, just for fun, to see what kind of ridiculously pathetic advice was being tossed around by the board gurus, yo-yo’s or ho-ho’s or whatever. I see this post by some shiny green twerp about how he got an offer on his book but it was low and he didn’t know whether to take it or not. Everyone was intrigued and enthralled and oh so helpful schmelpful. I almost choked to death laughing after I saw the title of his book, which I had rejected out of hand a year ago—hey, what can I say? Crayon doesn’t appeal to me.

Anyway, my first instinct was to post something like, “Dear Jesus, man, take the offer! I’ve seen your shit, and it sucks. Take the money and run!” But instead I just gave myself the Heimlich and moved on. I guess I wasn’t that good, considering I chose not to waste post time thinking that, what the hell, if he doesn’t take the offer, he is going to eventually realize that he should have when Simon and Schuster doesn’t call, and then he will feel like total shit. However, I do get points for not posting it where all the world could see. Except for you guys, of course. But you won’t tell anybody, will ya’? No? I knew I could trust you! Here’s his name and the book title: ******************.
Damn encryption software.

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