A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Thursday, November 17, 2005

WRITER SANITY TEST

I just created this unique visual sanity test for writers, watchgroups and solicitous agents—you know who you are. Read the following two paragraphs below, and then, on a separate sheet of paper, summarize what you see.

FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES, FEES FEES-FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES? FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES, FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES? FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES, FEES FEES-FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES? FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES, FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES?

FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES, FEES FEES-FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES? FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES, FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES? FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES, FEES FEES-FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES? FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES, FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES FEES. FEES FEES FEES.

The answer will be in a future post. Happy testing!

4 Comments:

  • At 7:59 PM, Blogger Peter L. Winkler said…

    I get it! You charge fees.

     
  • At 8:13 PM, Blogger Fran said…

    It's true you guys are all driving me nuts.... But how the hell does being uninterested in representation and/or reading fee-charging agents mean I'm nuts? When I was really, really green, I had a bad experience with one; I've avoided them ever since. They're usually up to no good, IMO.

    You often would post relevant-to-publishing stuff here--what the hell happened? Most of the stuff here now is about your sexual conquests, tit sizes, blow jobs. Come ON, Sammy. I get it already; you're a hetereosexual male. So fucking what? I mean, posting this stuff once in a while, okay. But every other post? Can't you chill out more? I often post about how much I like male bodies, but I don't post that way every time partly because hetereosexual guys who may be reading won't likely be interested, just like the heterosexual gals reading your blog won't likely be interested in reading your opines on female bodies. But then maybe you don't care about attracting--and keeping--readers, especially certain ones.

    I never used to dislike literary agents; I'm starting to dislike them now. Too much ugly shit being posted at the blogs some of you run, too many oh-worship-me-my-literary-underlings seeming demands, but then I know not all agents probably do this stuff. If I could have connected with this really cool-sounding agent some day http://www.publishersmarketplace.com/members/DanielLazar/, I would have been happy as a writer.

    Why not restore whatever "faith" I had in your (supposed) kind?

    Fran

     
  • At 8:17 PM, Blogger Fran said…

    Fucking crap--I typed too fast and then hit publish too fast. I spelled heterosexual wrong. Twice. And now you've got this place on moderation, so I can't even right away delete my post and redo it with the correct spellings.

     
  • At 12:26 PM, Blogger Chuckercanuck said…

    Dear SammyK,

    Like so many idiots, I got an idea in my head about 2 years ago which travelled its way down my intestines and out I pooped a novel.

    Then I started to research "the biz" - not like some dork brain in mommy's basement, but like the guy I am - a shameless self-promoting, cash-hungry dope.

    Here's what I've discovered:

    Agents may be useful. But they hawk a lot of crap. I look at their recent sales that they post on their websites and think - "what a load of shit. I wouldn't read that crap unless paid handsomely to do so."

    Also, when I read posts from writers with agents, they ask the stupidest questions. So much so, that I can't believe these naive morons actually produced a novel and that agents actually thought it was any good.

    Having done my "research" I'm ready to start querying. But frankly, the whole industry - starting with the agents - comes across like a tank of brain-dead sharks with no serious clue as to what they are doing.

    It makes me cringe. I don't want to be stuck around a bunch of morons who think its clever to quote Chaucer and make some snide comment about Bush.

    When agent's justify themselves, they emphasize an agent's ability to read and understand a contract. Do you guys really think that's impressive?

     

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