A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Friday, November 04, 2005

Work for Hire

Poor Marley needs to vent...SK

Jesus fucking Christ, people! Do you really think that I work for YOU? Are you fucking kidding me? Let’s get this straight: I work on commission, and I select the people I work with based on whether we can form a MUTUALLY beneficial relationship. I don’t work on projects where I can’t get a commission, and you shouldn’t work with an agent who can’t get you results. I DO NOT work for you, you lameasses. God, how arrogant is that? Do I go around spouting off about “my writers”? No, you are my clients…no more, no less. And I am your agent. Not your servant or your momma. And you don’t own me, and you sure as hell can’t fire me. You might go to another agent, but even johns frequent different hookers once in a while. It’s the nature of the business. No boo-hoos here.

Why am I ranting? Because I just told a client to fuck off, that’s why. And her response? “You’re fired!” ala The Donald. Why did I dissolve our relationship? Well, regardless of what bitchface says, it had to do with the following bullshit:

When I ask for a revision, I want a goddamn revision. No arguments here. I don’t ask clients to work if I don’t think it will benefit us both. Stephen King revises. Nora Roberts revises. And if you are my client, you better goddamn revise!

I don’t want to hear about what your critique group, writers workshop, or some geek mentor says about your goddamn book. What I say is important. Nobody else’s opinion counts. I am the one talking with editors who might buy your book, or did you forget that?

If said geek mentor wants to put his name on your work and send it out, then go with what geek mentor says. Otherwise, he can go fuck himself. My reputation rests on what I send out, and if I say your second novel sucks, it sucks. Don’t argue using some geek mentor’s comments. Remember, I got you fucking published in the first goddamn place.

Jesus Christ, people! Do you even realize how agents and writers are really supposed to work together, or are you so caught up in your own fucking egos so far that it’s made you braindead?

Fuck you, and fuck bitchface,


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