A Gent's Outlook

A Literary Agent Divulges the TRUTH about Publishing

Sunday, November 06, 2005

I Am Drunk

I am drunk. Really. I just spent a nice evening fondling a lovely lady who writes nonfiction of the type that I don’t handle, and we dipped into the love ambrosia to the tune of a couple hundred bucks…which means I am drunk. Unfortunately for her, even though I am drunk, I had the sense enough to tell her I don’t handle her kind of shit, which I believe I had made clear weeks before our “date.” All evening she kept talking about her book. I thought she really liked the ol’ Samster. Apparently, the lovely darling only heard what she wanted to hear, and she really thought she could get me drunk enough to take on her work, and not just her. I don’t think I have ever been that plastered in my entire life.

So, yet again, Sammy-boy gets scammed by a writer who will do anything to get published. Luckily, I have friends in close places, so I am not going to waste the rest of the good bottle of vino I plundered from the restaurant. I called an old friend who is on her way over right now to share it with me, along with some carnal bliss, which I could use. It helps me forget how much my industry has disintegrated into a bunch of conniving, unpleasant, do-anything-to-get-what-I-want cretins. It helps me get past the fact that every day I realize there are fewer and fewer real writers and editors and more and more people who want to call themselves those names but don’t want to put the work into it. How did we get to this point? Everyone wants to get rich in one generation.

And you know the sad thing? Our entire culture has turned to shit because of it. People actually think it is okay to screw someone over because it is their right to climb higher on the food chain. I may be a complete asshole, but I haven’t ever deluded myself into believing that I “deserve” the good things that come my way any more than the bozo sitting next to me in the limo. But what do I know? I am just a drunk, babbling literary agent who is about to get laid by one of his ex-wives.

Speaking of which, she is a-knockin’ at my door right now. Have a nice one.


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